Depraved and Deprived

fuqckboi:
ancientouroboros:
cheeziswin:
no but y’all don’t fucking understand i have puzzled over the mystery shack layout for forever it’s the bane of my existence there is just. there are so many rooms in this house, but most of them aren’t even???? hinted out in the layout???? and the layout itself doesn’t make sense????? but guys lemme just point out the most Fucked Up parts about this BULLCRAP okay.
1. The mystery shack has FOUR exterior doors. it has four. and two porches that are almost always portrayed as the same porch with the couch. they have the museum entrance, the back door (gift shop entrance), the door going into the MP room, then the front door (people keep saying it’s the back door but????? why would the back door lead into the foyer???? guys.) which points like AWAY from the parking lot in most establishing shots but when looking out the front it’s towards the lot so i guess the shack just rotates or something i dunno.
2. also the shack makes no sense when viewed from the outside. windows that “lead outside” are nowhere to be seen indoors, or windows seen indoors are nonexistent when seen outside. help me
3. the museum space is shown to have an archway that connects directly to the gift shop. it’s shown multiple times and it’s ACROSS from the register. but the museum doesn’t even attach to the gift shop. it attaches to the multipurpose room apparently. and it’s behind where the gift shop is. why god
4. Stan’s office is just. nowhere to be seen anywhere ever. it’s gone. mystery room that doesn’t exist according to the layout and the show. not just because the floor plan doesn’t show it, but also because with the rooms and their sizes IT PHYSICALLY DOES NOT LEAVE ROOM FOR HIS OFFICE. IT DOESNT IT PHYSICALLY DOESN’T
5. stan’s room is the same????? it has the same wallpaper as the downstairs hallway (like the office) and it’s implied to be downstairs, but. nope. nowhere. it’s not there. people try and say that his room is UPSTAIRS, but guys - the upstairs doesn’t have ANY wallpaper, and the only 3 rooms are Dipper and Mabels, the small (and oddly empty) attic space, then the small foyer-like area at the top of the stairs. that thing is DEF downstairs don’t say it ain’t. plus Stan’s room has a square window and like, the shack is shown to have like two upstairs windows so uh. i mean again that’s just an issue with the shack not knowing how many windows it has but all the same
6. there’s!!!!!!!!!!!!! a second!!!!!!!! set of STAIRS!!!!!!!! that!!!!!!!! leads up!!!!!!!!!! or down it’s unclear!!!!!! guys god please help me. there’s just a random second set of stairs??? near the door where the body switching carpet was found (and hey guess what this room has ANOTHER window and tbh how did the kids not look through that window even once and say “hey wtf is this room tho”. same with the room with the wax figures) like??? a second flight of stairs in the house. it’s just not there it’s missing. a whole flight of stairs. stairs.
7. hi. the entire basement makes no sense. zero sense absolutely zero sense. behind the vending machine is the stairs down to the elevator so that’s floor -1 that he’s on. then there’s two more floors - Ford’s second secret “worship satan” room, then the portal room. the portal room’s ceiling is apparently very very close to the ground considering 1. dipper fell through and landed in there 2. when the shot shows the dismantled portal there are holes in the ceiling and sunlight is filtering through. that is a very unstable friggin’ room, there is NO support it is literally just like a foot of soil above the portal room. how did a tourist not sinkhole their way into this room. and THEN BECAUSE OH BOY WE AIN’T DONE. DIPPER APPARENTLY??? MISSED THE SATAN WORSHIP ROOM????? WHEN FALLING THROUGH? nah he just fell through EMPTY SPACE AND BEAMS this entire house is standing over empty space it’s not a sound foundation at all. how has it not collapsed into itself. AND THEN. HOO BOY. MORE STAIRS. there’s a spiral staircase in the satan worship room that leads both up AND down. to where? no one fucking knows, narnia for all we know because right below the Creepy Bill Room is the dangerously high vaulted ceilings of the portal room (or who knows maybe literal air i wouldn’t be surprised) and then above it is ?????? an extra room on the -1 floor of the basement I guess???? that u can only get to through the study since the -1 floor of the shack is just a room and then elevator so fuck you i guess
8. this isn’t a thing about the nonsensical layout but the mystery shack only has one and a half baths and yet has 9 fucking rooms. 1.5 to 9. i know ford is living on his own but why did the builders allow that wtf
I’m actually gonna cry WHY is the shack so MESSED UP nothing MAKES SENSE im mad
this is honestly one of the finest rants anyone’s ever gone on. I feel like you’d be my ideal Thanksgiving dinner guest.
the real mystery to the mystery shack is its fucking architecture
#I mean it has to be intentional #like the Overlook in the movie of The Shining #the set was deliberately constructed so that if you thought about it you’d realise it couldn’t fit together like that #and even if you didn’t think about it it still contributed to the feeling of unease